Bye Bye Archives

Well it seems as if my archives have been deleted when Google took over blogger. *cries* Those were my posts and I want them back. *nods* How am I ever going to remember everything? This is like a journal and this is how I wanted to remember stuff. Who would have thought they would have deleted it? Perhaps there is a shimmer of hope and I can still save my posts. When I logged in it said I had 266 posts or so, so I am thinking maybe they can be salvaged. Perhaps I could e-mail blogger begging them to help me get my memories back. *nods*

Hey guess what? I'm back and I'm not dead. *smiles* I haven't posted in like 7 months, or so. Maybe I'll get back into it and give Meggles something to read.

A lot has happened over these 7 months. *nods* Some moments couldn't be topped and others I would like to forget. I think I will talk about the good stuff first.

Well, I like a little Japanese band called Dir En Grey and I never thought I would be able to see them, but guess who came to MN? U2? No. Franz Ferdinand? Nope! Dir En Grey! Yes, they came to Minneapolis and I, Kush Ball got to go see them! *bounces* When I heard Kyo sing live shivers ran down my spine. It was that moving to me because I have always listened to them on CDs and mp3s. Ooo, is that man ripped! Yes, adorable Kyo took his shirt off and. . . I would loved to have touched his tummy. And I cannot forget to mention Shinya for he is my favorite! Man can that man drum! He put the drummers in the bands before to shame! His drums were a hell of a lot cooler than the others. *grins*

Not only did I see Dir En Grey, but I also got to see The Blue Man Group. Wow. They were fantastic! The showmanship and the stamina that these people showed was just amazing! Who ever thought tubing could be put to such an awesome use? *laughs* While I was down to see them I broke down and bought myself an 80 gig ipod. *shy smile* I shouldn't have since I have other things I should pay, such as student loans and whatnot, but I have to admit that it is one of my happiest purchases ever. I love being able to listen to my music and not country all day. Do not get me wrong, I do like country, however, I can't listen to one type of music all day, week after week. I begin to get anxious about it, especially when they play the same damn songs (Fancy, by Reba) every single day!!! So w007 for he ipod! *cheer*

I bought a new computer! What did I name him? Well, I had a small vote at work and everyone seemed to like Vinni, so that is what my new baby is called. I thought about making it a girl and naming it Yeshaya after my albino psion character in D&D. I love Shy, she is such a little fireball, literally. *laughs* Poor thing has quite the story, but she is happy with her husband and children now and I believe she is officially retired. I also thought about naming the compy Sesshoumaru, after one of my favorite anime characters voiced by none other than. . . you guessed it, David Kaye. *grins* But it came down to Vinni because I play World of Warcraft and he is my priest whom I love very much. I have plans of having him as a NPC in my D&D games since he is such good friends with Tipsi. *smile*

In November I got a PS3. Now I know a lot of people hate it, but I like mine and he was accidentally named. I was laughing at work and talking about the PS3 and I called it my Japanese boyfriend, just joking of course and somehow he was named Kenji. *smile* Funny thing, that is what Shy's hubby is named. Maybe I should have had a girl compy. *ponders* Oh and if you are wondering since we are typing about names, I named the ipod Futune. After my darling bard character of course. It plays music for crying out loud and I think Futune would have been upset if I didn't name my ipod after her. *grin* Yes, I know I'm insane, but that's ok, people don't seem to mind too much.

Now, onto some things I just need to get off my chest. Last late October was the last time I saw Jae, Luke-san, Warumono and Chris. I am sad to say that I think I am no longer welcome in that group. I don't even know why. I keep asking myself, "What did I do to make them upset?" "What went wrong?" I admit I was upset when I felt left out, but I feel as if we could have talked about it a little better. I never expected such a good friendship to die so fast. I get choked up even now just thinking about what went wrong. I guess I'm at the point that if they read this I have nothing to lose. Luke, who I did things with constantly all of a sudden became almost nonexistant. I think it is great that him and Chris are close friends, but I just feel as if he didn't have to shut me out completely. If any of you do read this, I'm sorry. I never wanted it to end this way. Honestly, I have thought about writing you all a letter saying good bye and sorry, so I guess this is my letter to you all. This is how I feel and I want you to know that I don't understand. I was upset and I tried to tell you and I really wonder if I should have because I have lost 4 of the best people in my life. I keep saying to myself, "There you go, you opened your big mouth and now look where you are." I admit I am miserable without the fun that I had with all of you and the things I learned. I will always be thankful for the time I did have with you and I just want you all to know that just because I was cleary upset I was never really angry. And Luke-san, I'm sorry that when we went to Saw 3 and you kept saying, "We need to do this again." You said it over and over. I hadn't seen you in months and I didn't know how to respond to that. I almost felt as if I didn't want to get my hopes up and then us not doing anything. I basically set myself up with a self fullfilling prophecy. I really did want to do more with you. I missed and still do miss everyone so horribly much. I feel like such an emotional fool and I hate crying, but I can't help it when I think of what I lost. I had an inkling that it was the end when I came over near the end of October. I hated the feeling. . . and I knew it was officially over when I had said merry christmas to you guys on the answering machine and on blogs. If you do read this and understand that I am confused, would you please send me an explanation of what happend? Maybe all of you are just as confused as I am. In any case, I would really appreciate some sort of explanation so I don't have to wonder.

I hate ending on such a cruddy note, but I truly had to get it out of my system. I doubt anyone will even read that from the crew. *smiles* Anyway, I am basically happy. I like going to work everyday and my book club is one of the best things I could have done. All in all life is good. ^_^

*fans self* Ok, I am going to go work on this thing for my church that I promised I would do. Eep, it's almost 10:30!!!